Those Mario Lopez Hot Bachelor Pics

These would have been so hot if they hadn't put them side-by-side with the originals. He beats Burt Reynolds, but we'd take Richard Gere AND the gerbil over A.C. Slater any day.

Yeah, we said it!

Oprah's Newest Miracle: Tom Cruise Back On Top

A lot of people spend a lot of time whining about how "Oprah thinks she's God." Well, you can stop with the "Jesus Christ!" blasphemy and save some breath: "Oprah!" will do from now on.

We're sure you remember when, not long ago, Viacom head honcho Sumner Redstone gave Tom Cruise the ax, basically citing "psycho freak who scares people" as the reason.

Well, two days after the Big Two-Part Oprah Propaganda show, Redstone has eaten his words and welcomed back Tommy with open arms:

“What I can say is, I consider Tom Cruise a great actor and a good friend, and if Paramount decides to go ahead with him, I will not object.”

Just in case it wasn't already clear: Oprah. Is. God.

Or, if you preder, Oprah is Xenu.

Just in case you forgot the level of, er, alternate lifestyle that Cruise lives...

Becks and Posh in Armani at Costume Institute Gala

Surprise, surprise...the Beckhams wore Armani (hmm...wonder why?) to the 2008 Costume Institute Gala. We're glad he shaved the bush off his neck!

Meanwhile, Tom Cruise looked characteristically petite next to his young bride, and Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady looked like cardboard cutouts.

David Beckham on Tom Cruise on Oprah

Becks to Cruise: "You're an inspiration not just to so many people around the world, but to me. Thanks for being a great friend, and congratulations. You deserve this."

Gag! At least David Beckham can kick a ball. What's inspirational about Tom Cruise?

And what does he deserve? A two-episode ratings stunt on Oprah?

Weirdness. Like Oprah, we wish Tom Cruise "all the peace this mountain can bring." Whatever that means.

Watch the load of BS here:

Robots

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are robots.

Just look at them!

Robots!!