Anderson Cooper Disappoints

OK, so it may be totally true that Ali Lohan looks "more like she's 60" than 14, but did this superstar CNN news anchor and reluctant homo role model have to insult the poor girl on national television? Even Kelly Ripa has more sense than that!



Seriously, if A.C. had seen us when we were fourteen and told the world (accurately, mind you) that we were a fatass, pizzafaced freak with pregnant woman stretch marks, we would have been found dead that very day, an empty box of Dramamine in one hand and a tear-smudged printout of AndyCoo in the other. Dreams dashed!

Anderson, you disappoint us. This is no way for a dignified silver fox to act. Is this the beginning of your transition to "Best Week Ever" commentator on VH1? Or Fox News?

For shame, for shame...

P.S. Anderson does redeem himself in this video by saying "I love LEATHUH!"

Oprah's Newest Miracle: Tom Cruise Back On Top

A lot of people spend a lot of time whining about how "Oprah thinks she's God." Well, you can stop with the "Jesus Christ!" blasphemy and save some breath: "Oprah!" will do from now on.

We're sure you remember when, not long ago, Viacom head honcho Sumner Redstone gave Tom Cruise the ax, basically citing "psycho freak who scares people" as the reason.

Well, two days after the Big Two-Part Oprah Propaganda show, Redstone has eaten his words and welcomed back Tommy with open arms:

“What I can say is, I consider Tom Cruise a great actor and a good friend, and if Paramount decides to go ahead with him, I will not object.”

Just in case it wasn't already clear: Oprah. Is. God.

Or, if you preder, Oprah is Xenu.

Just in case you forgot the level of, er, alternate lifestyle that Cruise lives...