So I heard the author of the StuffWhitePeopleLike blog and book on the radio yesterday morning and I was intrigued enough to visit his site...finally! It sounds pretty gimmicky--and it is--but the blog's author, Christian Lander, was quite well-spoken and came across as very intelligent and diplomatic despite the DJ's rapidfire attempts to lure him toward making stupid comments.
Anyway, the blog has an extensive list of things white people like and, as if you care, I've decided to tally up exactly how white I am based upon this list. Despite the nearly translucent quality of my skin, I am surprisingly less white than I thought. Of course, we must factor in the very specific subset of white-and-gay to which I belong, as well as the fact that more than half of my friends are not white. Or maybe we don't. I don't know. I'm an expert on this science.
So, uh, how white are you?
- #103 Sweaters--I freaking LOVE sweaters!!!
- #102 Children’s Games as Adults--Nope, not my bag.
- #101 Being Offended--Yes, I do get off on being offended. It is true.
- #100 Bumper Stickers--Hell no. But I did when I was younger. I'm maturing to a better ethnicity, maybe?
- #99 Grammar--Ummm HELLO I have an Master's degree in writing, a BA in English, and I've worked as a writer and editor for my entire adult life.
- #98 The Ivy League--I did until I heard that George W. Bush was a graduate of both Harvard and Yale. Someone needs to sue the ivies for fraud. Seriously.
- #97 Scarves--I like the look, but I hate wearing them. So I'll say no.
- #96 New Balance Shoes--Nope. All Day I Dream About Sex
- #95 Rugby--No, but I have no issue with naked rugby players!
- #94 Free Healthcare--Yes, but because I'm smart, not because I'm white.
- #93 Music Piracy--Not at all! Pay artists for their work!!
- #92 Book Deals--I'll let you know when I get my first one.
- #91 San Francisco--Never been there. But it looks like a nice place.
- #90 Dinner Parties--Bleh!
- #89 St. Patrick’s Day--I'm Irish, so again I have an unfair bias.
- #88 Having Gay Friends--I'm gay, so again I have an unfair bias. (I have very few gay friends, though, for the record. Now accepting applications!)
- #87 Outdoor Performance Clothes--If they have a Juicy label.
- #86 Shorts--When it's hot, sure.
- #85 The Wire--Never seen it.
- #84 T-Shirts--Sure, why not?
- #83 Bad Memories of High School--I HAVE plenty, but I don't LIKE any of them!
- #82 Hating Corporations--Guilty.
- #81 Graduate School--I went, but I hated it.
- #80 The Idea of Soccer--Does "the idea" of David Beckham count for anything?
- #79 Modern Furniture--Mid-Century all the way.
- #78 Multilingual Children--Everyone should be multilingual.
- #77 Musical Comedy--I'm starting to think this is a Stuff Gay People Are Supposed To Like list.
- #76 Bottles of Water--I like water. Bottles are wasteful though.
- #75 Threatening to Move to Canada--Hahahaha. Yes!
- #74 Oscar Parties--I'm all about the glam!
- #73 Gentrification--Hate the idea of it, but I admit I'm into cute gentrified neighborhoods.
- #72 Study Abroad--Cambridge University was the best summer of my life.
- #71 Being the only white person around--What do I care?
- #70 Difficult Breakups--Fuck no. I'm ready for something that lasts.
- #69 Mos Def--Mos definitely not.
- #68 Michel Gondry--Who?
- #67 Standing Still at Concerts--Only at Tori Amos concerts, during which I fall into a zombie-like trance. Otherwise I'm all about shakin' my ass.
- #66 Divorce--Only for my past bosses.
- #65 Co-Ed Sports--Sure, OK.
- #64 Recycling--Of course.
- #63 Expensive Sandwiches--Cheap food is good food.
- #62 Knowing What’s Best for Poor People--I don't even know what's best for me.
- #61 Bicycles--Love 'em.
- #60 Toyota Prius--Growing on me.
- #59 Natural Medicine--Whenever possible.
- #58 Japan--Their history is so violent, but what a fascinating culture. I'm 50-50.
- #57 Juno--Haven't seen it.
- #56 Lawyers--I know a few, and they all defy the stereotypes.
- #55 Apologies--I'm sorry, but I apologize all the time.
- #54 Kitchen Gadgets--Yeah, this is true.
- #53 Dogs--Awwwww!! I want a puppy soooo bad!
- #52 Sarah Silverman--She's hilarious about half the time, over-the-top offensive the rest.
- #51 Living by the Water--If I could.
- #50 Irony--Schmirony.
- #49 Vintage--I like my shit new and sparkly.
- #48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops--Overpriced.
- #47 Arts Degrees--Master of Fine Arts here, bitch!
- #46 The Sunday New York Times--Best paper in the States.
- #45 Asian Fusion Food--I've never met a fusion I liked. Fusion food is like an edible focus group.
- #44 Public Radio--Yeah.
- #43 Plays--I like the idea, but I don't like sitting on my bony ass for three to four hours.
- #42 Sushi--NO!
- #41 Indie Music--Regina Spektor used to be indie, right?
- #40 Apple Products--I have three iPods.
- #39 Netflix--It's like Communism: Good in theory, but in practice Netflix has never worked for me. I queue up things I *should* watch but are depressing as hell, and they just sit around gathering dust. I canceled my subscription years ago.
- #38 Arrested Development--Never seen it.
- #37 Renovations--I'm terrible at any kind of maintenance.
- #36 Breakfast Places--What, like IHOP? Nothing beats it at 3am. I've never met a Waffle House in which I didn't think I was going to be beaten to death by rednecks.
- #35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report--Never seen either.
- #34 Architecture--Makes my heart soar.
- #33 Marijuana--Not a fan personally, but whatever.
- #32 Vegan/Vegetarianism--I respect those who don't murder innocent creatures. Me, I eat 'em with lots of salt.
- #31 Snowboarding--Good way to break a leg.
- #30 Wrigley Field--Ugh, more sports?
- #29 80s Night--I can't dance to '80s music.
- #28 Not having a TV--What the hell would I do without So You Think You Can Dance and Project Runway?!
- #27 Marathons--Flat feet, crooked legs do not a runner make.
- #26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!)--YES!!!
- #25 David Sedaris--He's hilarious, but I prefer Amy!
- #24 Wine--It's growing on me.
- #23 Microbreweries--I hate beer.
- #22 Having Two Last Names--No, but I like having two first names.
- #21 Writers Workshops--MFA in *CREATIVE WRITING* bitches.
- #20 Being an expert on YOUR culture--I have no culture.
- #19 Traveling--I love to see the world. :-)
- #18 Awareness--Hahhahaa. Lame!
- #17 Hating their Parents--I love love love my parents. They are my best friends!
- #16 Gifted Children--If I had kids, I'm sure I'd think they were. Every person who ever told me their kids were gifted had really dumb kids.
- #15 Yoga--I want to try it.
- #14 Having Black Friends--Hey, I'm happy to have any friends. I don't really care if they're black, yellow, red, green. My only requirements are: 1) Be famous; 2) Be hot; 3) Be rich; 4) Pass the hummer test. (Kidding!)
- #13 Tea--I'm a caffeine addict. I love English breakfast tea. Not a fan of green; hate chamomile.
- #12 Non-Profit Organizations--I've worked for them all my adult life.
- #11 Asian Girls--Hey, they invented bukkake, right?!
- #10 Wes Anderson Movies--Not particularly.
- #9 Making you feel bad about not going outside--Huh?
- #8 Barack Obama--Cautiously. He seems like a good guy, but he is a politician, after all.
- #7 Diversity--Heterogeneousness is good.
- #6 Organic Food--Sure, OK, but I'm 30, so what's the point at this point?
- #5 Farmer’s Markets--I prefer not to interact with people whenever possible. An online farmer's market would be awesome, though.
- #4 Assists--Um, whatever.
- #3 Film Festivals--I've never been to one. Cannes looks fun!
- #2 Religions their parents don’t belong to--I'm intrigued by the lemmingness of all organized religions.
- #1 Coffee--In fact, I just got a lecture from my doctor about cutting back on my coffee drinking.
