Ashton Minus Airbrushing

Back to eh.

Ashton Kutcher's recent VMAN magazine spread is HOT. These? Not. Not at all. Like, not even a little bit.

OK, maybe a little bit. But come on, try a little! What's with the leather ropes around the neck, the pink board shorts, the hunchedness?

That's the only trouble with dating a grandma: you just don't have to try anymore.

Ashton Kutcher: Hottest Guinea Pig Ever!

We've never really liked Ashton that much. His cocky, annoying attitude overshadows his alleged hotness.

Until now! Who knew adding a few suction cups to a guy could do so much for his sex appeal.

Well, the tighty whities don't hurt either...

From the new Vman.

White V-Neck Strikes Again: This Time It's Ashton

Arright, this is what we're talking about. Jeremy Piven has shown up at least twice at Fashion Week parties wearing a white cotton V-neck undershirt. Fruit-of-the-Loom is not couture.

HOWEVER, get a load of this. Ashton Kutcher is working the plumber's staple and making it hot. Here's how Ashton gets right what Germy got wrong:

1. Ashton looks less like a plumber than the Pivs, so there's no blue-collar confusion here. We hate to be so blunt, but you've gotta work with what you've got. For example:
2. You'll notice Ashton is built like a male model because he was a male model. Jeremy Piven is built like the hot accountant who works a little too much on his pecs. Ashton is tall, broad and thin; he's built, basically, like a canvas. This is why models are so damn skinny: Clothes need to hang well to look their best. Especially thin cotton. Grandpa's Hanes V-neck isn't hot draped over monstrous man-boobs.
3. Even if Ashton didn't have such a great body for showing off clothes, he'd wear the look better. Why? He's in all white. This is a casual, carefree (not careless) summer look. Sure, summer's almost over, but the head-to-toe white look is classic, and...
4. If you look hot, you can break the rules.
   

Ashton looks hot in these pics from Popsugar. Germy, please take our advice and next time either show up in something that doesn't make you look like a slob, show up naked, or don't show up at all.

Jason Preston, Ashton Kutcher, Antonio Sabato, Jr. Out for Fashion Week

Here are some pictures from yesterday's shows...mostly we just cover guys here, but we threw in Padma Lakshmi this time because we want to be her!

Zoe Kravitz and Ben Foster

Kiera Chaplin and Jason Preston

Antonio Sabato, Jr.

Andre Balazs, Padma Lakshmi, and Jan Kennedy

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore (her hand getting dangerously close to the goodie bag...)

More here.

Navel Gazing: Ashton Kutcher

Yesterday's belly button belongs to Ashton Kutcher, from a Rolling Stone cover shot, below.