Watch Out, Meryl Streep. Here Comes Lohan.

There are no words.

Actually there are:

Glam.

Pink.

Shit.

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston Get Wet

We think they're a cute couple...we also love that Johnny's been spending a lot of time lately with his shirt off.

What do you think?!

Ode to Nate Berkus

So "Oprah's Big Give" may have sort-of flopped, but it raised the profile of :::sigh::: Nate Berkus, who is now officially too big a deal ever for our fantasy of meeting and running away with him to live EEA to come true.

Oh well.

For no good reason, besides Nate's hotness, that is, we present a few photos of Nate. Keep up to date on Nate's life on his MySpace page.

Ashton Minus Airbrushing

Back to eh.

Ashton Kutcher's recent VMAN magazine spread is HOT. These? Not. Not at all. Like, not even a little bit.

OK, maybe a little bit. But come on, try a little! What's with the leather ropes around the neck, the pink board shorts, the hunchedness?

That's the only trouble with dating a grandma: you just don't have to try anymore.

Ashton Kutcher: Hottest Guinea Pig Ever!

We've never really liked Ashton that much. His cocky, annoying attitude overshadows his alleged hotness.

Until now! Who knew adding a few suction cups to a guy could do so much for his sex appeal.

Well, the tighty whities don't hurt either...

From the new Vman.

Jake Gyllenhaal: Making Crutches Work!

Poor little Jakey is hurt, but he's not letting a little pain cramp his style. Here he is stylin' and smilin' on crutches.

We like! What do you think??

Brad Pitt: The Stripper Who Saved The World??

At the University of Missouri, Brad Pitt was a stripper! Actually part of a group of strippers! Called "The Dancing Bares"!

You can't make this shit up!

But anyway, now he and Angie are saving the world. We always wondered what AJ sees in him (we mean his personality, not his looks, DUH), and we guess Chippendales-style stripping is the most boring kind of stripping, but still.
He just got hotter.

Ian Somerhalder Is Back!

We stopped watching Lost the day Boone was killed. HBO to the rescue again!

Former Guess? model Ian Somerhalder stars in the new HBO series Tell Me You Love Me, which features graphic depictions of sex!

Unfortunately, he plays a straight guy. Oh well. At least we get pictures!

If you look close, you can see his tiddlywinks in one of the screen caps! Rumor has it he'll go frontal in an upcoming episode!

Thanks to John for the tip!

Birthday Suit: Zac Efron

Happy Birthday, Zac!

At 20, you may still look 16, but you're growing up!

To help you celebrate your big day, a bunch of guys are going to beat it to your pictures!!

Oh, by the way, don't count on much happening this year. As our mom told us when we turned 20: "Before you're 20, you're a teenager. At 21 you're an adult. For the next year, you're nothing."

Jake Gyllenhaal Gets All Brokeback In New Interview Pics!

No Lance, but strong arms!

Stroke, stroke, stroke!

Did he leave Heath back in the tent?

Hard wood!

The coming out rumors fell flat, as expected. But seriously, who cares? Just because someone is gay friendly doesn't mean we have to convert him.


We can still ogle though! Here are some new photos from the upcoming issue of Interview magazine. On the down side, he's not naked. On the upside, he's still adorkably hot!

Speaking Of Hot Naked Mormons: Patrick Wilson!

Since we're thinking about hot Mormons, we couldn't forget this scene from Angels in America:



Did you know Patrick Wilson was the guy in this GAP ad with Claire Danes?

He can be our boyfriend anytime!

And, finally, Patrick gives The Full Monty:

Esquire: Ryan Phillippe, Channing Tatum, Joseph Gordon-Levitt On Parade

Ryan Phillippe as hot as ever...but...couldn't they have at least tailored the suit a bit?

Channing "Watch Out Wentworth Miller" Tatum and Joseph Gordon-Levitt

JG-L and CT again

Joseph Gordon-Levitt with...a young Uma Thurman?
No, that's Mamie Gummer...Meryl Streep's daughter!

(Speaking of Meryl and Uma, I just saw Out of Africa on HBO and kept thinking to myself, "damn, Young Meryl sure looked a lot like Uma!")

DAYUMM!!

ESQUIRE pulls all stops in this new photo essay of stars from the new movie Stop-Loss, which deals with the Iraq war.

Is Ryan Phillippe ageless? Is Channing Tatum flawless? Is Joseph Gordon-Levitt really the dorky kid from "Third Rock From The Sun?" He's holding his own next to two of the most beautiful guys in the world.

Hotness! And awesome duds. We love you, Esquire!

James Marsden's A Sex Freak!

Speaking of James Marsden, here's the birthday boy having freaky sex with Jaime King.

Navel Gazing: Vin Diesel!

That's right! Yesterday's belly button belongs to bodybuilding bad guy Vin Diesel.

Rumor has it, Vin is on the "most likely to come out" list. We're not ones for spreading homolicious rumors, but we do have to wonder about that vintage photo...the Betty Page pose, the jazz hands...the random GUYS AND DOLLS stamped on the bottom...what's it all add up to?

Celebrity Navel Gazing

It's Sunday! That means it's time for a little navel gazing!

This guy is famous for his hot muscle-bound physique, soft-spoken nature, questionable acting abilities, and rumored fagulousness. To us, he's also famous for rocking the tank tops and sleeveless shirts, but almost never showing his belly button. (What's the deal??) We had to work hard to find a rare pic featuring the full expanse of his abs (hence the old snapshot)--and we like what we see.

So who is it??

Answer tomorrow!

Zac Efron Is Vanessa Hudgens' 'Rock'

Ahhh, young love!

According to the National Ledger, Zac got Vanessa through tragic times and gave her exactly what she needed. "He was her rock," explains 'an insider.'

Rock hard, that is!

Reality check!

1. It's not like Vanessa's baby, mother, grandmother, or even goldfish died! Naked pictures of her were sent all around the world, making her like a zillion times more famous.


2. Naked pictures that SHE took!


3. For Zac!


4. To make him hard!


5. Rock hard!


6. He was her rock indeed!

Seriously. It's sweet that he supported her instead of dropping her ass, we guess. But why would he? Everone has seen her goods, and they're young, fresh and, well, good. And there's always time for a breakup--but now, while they're both riding the It Boy/Girl wave? Puh-leeze!

Zac Efron's Hot Abs

OK, so we're confused. Zac Efron sometimes looks like a robot used by cosmetology students to test out new pink blushes and lipsticks, and sometimes (OK, just in this Rolling Stone cover shot) he looks like this. [source]

Is this one destined to be a classic? Discuss.

Zac Efron: Blah, blah, blah, High School Musical

Here's Zac Efron talking about High School Musical and how fun it is, etc., etc. We like this because Zac isn't wearing pink blush and frosted lip gloss for a change! Au naturel, he's a cute kid. Not as creepy as we thought!

And is it just us, or does he look a little like Bjork??

Juicy Juicy Wentworth Miller!

Ordinarily, any guy dripping with this much sweat would get a serious reprimand. Lucky for Wentworth Miller he's Wentworth Miller. Plus, he's on the set, so we'll assume it's part of the job.

Here's a ten-minute interview with Wenty. Be prepared: He talks about...hooters!

Fashion Week: Marc Jacobs After-Party

Marcy Marc enjoys a bottle.

Marc enjoys a boy. That's his boyfriend, Jason Preston, not doing much to make people think he's not a ho. Well, OK, he's dressed like a pimp, and I guess that's a step above ho!

We're sorry, Marc, but Jason looks absolutely bored here.

This is Marc with Buffy's little sister, Michelle Trachtenberg.
He's so gay he couldn't even touch his lips to her face!
Hot!!!

This is some kid called Robby Birkin. We don't know who he is or what he has to do with Marc Jacobs, but he was at the party, and somebody took his picture, and he's kind of adorable, so here he is. (Doesn't he kind of look like Benjamin Bradley?)

How do I love thee, Marc Jacobs? Let me count the ways...

1. Your designs hit way more than they miss
2. At 44, you are hotter than ever. At 29, I'm already feeling the gay whiplash of being washed up and too old to talk to. You're making middle age sexy and exciting in Gayville, U.S.A.!
   
3. You've got a pretty hot boyfriend and a tumultous relationship, which is pretty hot too
4. Your boyfriend used to be a ho, but you actually seem to care for one another, and don't give a shit what people think. That makes you hot.

More after party photos from New York magazine.