Make Me A Supermodel Ronnie: Pre-Bravo!

Yes, we said we don't think Ronnie should win Make Me A Supermodel. It's not because we don't love him!


It's because we want him to be Vice President!


Does Ronnie actually look straight next to Mr. Shiny? We think so!

Here he is modeling for L.A. tan. These are good pics, even if he is hocking something that causes skin cancer, which ain't pretty.





And clearly from the two shots above, Ronnie is NOT fat.

(People are saying that on the Bravo boards. We don't think he's fat. We think it's more to love!)


The come-hither look!
The glistening pecs!
The studded leather!
So hot!
So Falcon!


So not Falcon.
So English.
So Dour.

So...Make Me A Supermodel!

So...emo? Drag? We have no idea.

Honestly, we love Ronnie. We love his personality. We love his looks. We don't think he looks like a supermodel, but who does? (Certainly not Nikki Taylor!)

We do think he's sexy in a snuggly-pretty-preppy teddy bear kind of way, and we do think he's articulate, even if that does force us to agree with something the MMASM judges said.

We think Ronnie is headed straight (pun intended!) for Logo or Style. He'll be a great TV personality, and trust us, Ronnie, that's way better than just looking pretty and being told what to do.

Make Me A Supermodel: Final Shots & Verdict

So.

The creative genius that is Bravo's "Make Me A Supermodel" is wrapping up, and left us with...


This.

Where the hell is RuPaul when you need her? Bravo seriously missed an opportunity here that you know Tyra Banks would have exploited to its comic potential. This is why ANTM will still be "cycling" when people are having this conversation:

"Hey, remember that supermodel show on Bravo?"

"Top Chef?"

"No, the modeling one."

"Project Runway?"

"No, the show with the models."

"America's Next Top Model? That's not on Bravo."

"Never mind."

"Yeah."


Yeah. Sorry, Perry, but this is not hot.

But it's not your fault. This look is someone's idea of "water." Really. If this show comes back, we hope it has better creative direction. Tyson and Nicki need to just sit there and look pretty. No more input.

This is Ben's last shoot:



Notice how his Cro Magnon face is totally obscured by this sheer black sheet.

Notice how it's his best picture ever.

Notice how he got the most compliments...on his body.



It is a pretty hot body. They'll love it back in prison.

Speaking of which, whatever happened to his wife? Whatever happened to his Ronnie romance? Whatever happened to...oh, who cares?

The reason this show infuriates me is because of its total editorial inconsistence. Haven't the producers learned anything about reality TV after all these years? When you create a character out of someone, you're supposed to at least try to be consistent throughout the season.

But remember Jackie? During the casting show, she was the best walker, the hottest, the most professional. She was still the best model in the second show, but she refused to wear a thong because of moral reasons. (A moral model? A model who refuses to wear a thing? WTF?) Then, two episodes later she posed naked. Then the former most professional and experienced was a bad walker, and she was farting on camera and screaming at everyone. Was this all the same person, really? Was this...oh, who cares?

That's the thing. I just don't care. But let's look at more hotness...




Ever notice how much better Ben looks the farther away he gets? That's hot.


Ben waves bye-bye as his soulless model self fades away into nothingness.

Goodbye fifteen minutes! Hello, prison!



One of the judges--the one with the creepy fixation on 19-year-old Casey's pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking face--called Ronnie "King of the Wood." Bravo's gay viewers clearly agree, as their woodies keep voting this pretty boy back week after week, even after the judges' insistence that he's. Not. A. Supermodel.


*Pout*

*Strut*

Ronnie is so cute.

Ronnie is so gay.

Ronnie is so Dream Date.

I may be in love with Ronnie, despite hating this show.

But I still wouldn't put him on my runway, unless I was doing some kind of boarding school theme.

I'd totally buy a Falcon video starring him, though.

In full disclosure, I don't *hate* Make Me A Supermodel. It's been entertaining and all, but disappointing, and here's why:




Holly is hot.



Holly is red hot.



Holly is fierce in a couture dress made just for her, courtesy of Project Runway winner Christian Siriano.



Holly, basically, is flawless.

Holly, basically, is a supermodel.

But she doesn't stand a chance. Because this show is on Bravo, and she's too--well, let's be honest, she's too female to win a modeling show.

No matter how perfect she has been (and she has been perfect), and regardless of possibly being five pounds heavier than a typical high-fashion model, she is clearly the deserving winner of this show.

Of all the modeling shows on TV, this young woman has more potential to be a "supermodel" or "top model" than anyone else. But she's not going to win. Even though she deserves to.

We're hoping Bravo's viewers--or, as the network likes to refer to them, "America"--will choose Holly. We're hoping they will prove us wrong. But we have a feeling "America" will choose Ronnie, because the gay guys who watch Bravo don't really want a supermodel; they want a Dream Date.

Oh well. There's always next cycle.

Make Me A Supermodel: Who's Out??!

Make Me A Supermodel is Bravo's classy show that gave us one straight guy licking another straight guy's forehead, one of whose girlfriend's scored a National Enquirer cover story for screwing Britney Spears's creepy old boyfriend. And a gay guy who flirts unapologetically, if confusedly, with a guy who is married but who seems to be all over the gay guy anyway, even though cameras are on them 24/7.

We love it!!

Actually, that married guy (Ben), is smarter than his Neanderthal bone structure would lead you to believe: He and Ronnie (his gay semi-boyfriend) seem to be in on the joke together. They know they're on a Bravo show, and that Bravo's gay male and gay-lovin' female audience is going to keep the homos on the show, at least until it gets down to the wire.

Guess what! It's down to the wire!

So, the big question is: Who's getting voted off tonight? Here's our opinion: If this show actually had a chance of creating a supermodel (HAHAHAHHAA!!!), there are only three possible candidates: Sassy Amazon Goth Girl Shannon, Southern Sweetheart Holly, or Pissy Prick Perry.

Let's face it:

Ronnie is a Billy Doll come to life. He's sweet, he's pretty, and he's no Tyson Beckford. So what? I'd kill to look like him. But I wouldn't pay him millions to wear my clothes in Milan. Out!

Ben is a skull with skin and a subversive cunning that he developed while serving his time as a jail warden. But he's not into fashion, and he's not a natural book looks-could-killer. Auf wiedersehen!

So, while we love the fantasy-world coupling of the two, we encourage Bravo fans to do what's right and split them up via "America's choice." Just because they're the gay guy version of girl-on-girl pillow fight fantasies that straight guys have doesn't mean they can be called supermodels.

Here. Get it out of your system. (You know what we mean.) Watch these clips and get your sense back before voting tonight.