Oprah's Newest Miracle: Tom Cruise Back On Top

A lot of people spend a lot of time whining about how "Oprah thinks she's God." Well, you can stop with the "Jesus Christ!" blasphemy and save some breath: "Oprah!" will do from now on.

We're sure you remember when, not long ago, Viacom head honcho Sumner Redstone gave Tom Cruise the ax, basically citing "psycho freak who scares people" as the reason.

Well, two days after the Big Two-Part Oprah Propaganda show, Redstone has eaten his words and welcomed back Tommy with open arms:

“What I can say is, I consider Tom Cruise a great actor and a good friend, and if Paramount decides to go ahead with him, I will not object.”

Just in case it wasn't already clear: Oprah. Is. God.

Or, if you preder, Oprah is Xenu.

Just in case you forgot the level of, er, alternate lifestyle that Cruise lives...

Robots

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are robots.

Just look at them!

Robots!!