Congrats, Cousin Spence! Jeremy Piven Gets The Emmy!

We knew he was destined for greatness even when playing lazy Cousin Spence on Ellen way back when. Here's Jeremy Piven making out with a gold statue. At least he's not wearing his white V-neck undershirt this time!

White V-Neck Strikes Again: This Time It's Ashton

Arright, this is what we're talking about. Jeremy Piven has shown up at least twice at Fashion Week parties wearing a white cotton V-neck undershirt. Fruit-of-the-Loom is not couture.

HOWEVER, get a load of this. Ashton Kutcher is working the plumber's staple and making it hot. Here's how Ashton gets right what Germy got wrong:

1. Ashton looks less like a plumber than the Pivs, so there's no blue-collar confusion here. We hate to be so blunt, but you've gotta work with what you've got. For example:
2. You'll notice Ashton is built like a male model because he was a male model. Jeremy Piven is built like the hot accountant who works a little too much on his pecs. Ashton is tall, broad and thin; he's built, basically, like a canvas. This is why models are so damn skinny: Clothes need to hang well to look their best. Especially thin cotton. Grandpa's Hanes V-neck isn't hot draped over monstrous man-boobs.
3. Even if Ashton didn't have such a great body for showing off clothes, he'd wear the look better. Why? He's in all white. This is a casual, carefree (not careless) summer look. Sure, summer's almost over, but the head-to-toe white look is classic, and...
4. If you look hot, you can break the rules.
   

Ashton looks hot in these pics from Popsugar. Germy, please take our advice and next time either show up in something that doesn't make you look like a slob, show up naked, or don't show up at all.

Jude Law is Hot Again!

This is good stuff. I'm glad Jude decided to get his act together and dress up. We've seen him looking down-and-out and scruffy in the streets of London for too long. It's good to see him capitalizing on his hotness because, let's face it, he's going to be bald soon if he's too proud (certainly not too poor) to pony up for that patented Jeremy Piven's Hair Solution (aka HAIR PLUGS). Oh well. We love you, Jude. We'd make out with your Talented Mr. Ripley any day!

Note to Jeremy Piven

Dear Germy,

While we understand that hair plugs, especially the really fancy kind you got that actually give good coverage, are expensive, that's no excuse to show up at Fashion Week parties looking like, well, K-Fed.

Seriously, WTF? The V-neck Fruit of the Loom undershirt is not hot. It's not fashion-forward. If you want to look like you just nailed Paris Hilton in the downtime between the runway and the party (which, no doubt, you did), just show up naked. Because this shit doesn't cut it.

For your future reference, we've included a photo of Posh at another party on the same night. Notice that she, too, is wearing a tee-shirt, but she had the sense to wear an ultra-snazzy one made out of green silk, and to cinch it at the waist and call it a dress. This would be considered a step up from the Cops-style outfit you're rocking.

Sincerely,

MGS

PS: Your Hanes addiction makes you look like even more of an asshole that your Entourage character. Do you really want that? I mean, come on, you don't want to be HBO's next Sarah Jessica Parker, hot for the run of your series and then dropped on the New York City streets like a piece of dogshit. Then again, she did just come out with a low-budget fashion line, which you certainly could be paving the way for here. Hmm. Decisions, decisions, Mr. Piven. Make the right one.

Jeremy Piven Looks Like THIS at Fashion Week?!

Shame on him. Above, a slovenly Jeremy Piven at Fashion Week--Sante D'Orazio's Versace Cocktail Party.

Below him, a guy named Derek Lloyd shows how one should look at a Versace Fashion Week party. We don't know who he is, but he has hot GPS (Gay Porn Star) face, and that's enough for us!

More pics here.