Thursday, June 12, 2008

Today's Most Obvious Headline: "No One Wants Perez Hilton's Clothing"

Our favorite magazine, New York, posted an article today with the title "No One Wants Perez Hilton's Clothing Line." Uh. DUH!

Everybody who wants to look like Perez Hilton clap! STOP STOP I'M GOING TO GO DEAF!!! Um, or not. Sure, plenty of people want his glamorously silky hair, his ripped abs, his gorgeous face...but his clothes? Nah. But wait!! The clothes are from...

HOT TOPIC!! You know you want them.


Still, it's fun to read about, so here's a snippet from New York magazine.

Last Saturday night, Perez Hilton tore himself away from drawing on photos with MS Paint to make an appearance at a Hot Topic at a Los Angeles mall to launch his new clothing line. You know, the one that includes blog flip-flops? We couldn't believe such items would actually be made and put up for sale in a real store. But we assumed if a retailer like Hot Topic was investing in the product, people were bound to buy. But then no one showed up to the launch event. But then, this report emerged on Jossip from an employee of that very Hot Topic:

ONLY 7 people showed up.SEVEN.That’s it.Mario was BEYOND upset texting and DEMENDING the right water,food,ETC he was a rude royal pain in the ass and BEYOND crass... My manager was trying to get people to come in to meet Perez by handing out $5 gift cards NO ONE WANTED TO MEET HIM! ...he left around 8:45PM without saying goodbye to anyone & looked like he had been crying like the little bitch he is. We sold a grand total of $6.45 of Perez Hilton items between 6PM - 9PM. My manager has already talked about discounting his ‘line’ !”

Perhaps if Hot Topic had asked itself, "Is this a person people want to look like, dress like, and be like?" it would have realized, like everyone who didn't show up to this sad little party, the answer is a resounding "NO," and this grand embarrassment would have never occurred.

Update: A representative of Perez Hilton says that the entire quote from Jossip is fabricated: "No one from Jossip ever spoke to anyone at the store; over 100 people attended the event and there is a video to prove it." Moreoever, it seems that everyone had to buy $20 worth of merchandise to be admitted into the store/party/fustercluck. Well then! Allow us to change tack: If a person who bought blog flip-flops is out there, please come forward. We would love to talk to you.

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