Happy Saturday!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
David Hasselhoff To Replace MySpace and Facebook?
Sadly, it's not a joke.
David Hasselhoff is the new social network.
Don't be the last to catch this wave! Check out the Hoff here.
(No, don't really.)
They're Not Gay! Top Metros Include Justin Timberlake, Usher, More...
Starpulse has ranked the top 10 music industry metrosexuals.
They're not gay; they're just fancy!
Behold:
1. Kanye West (Not gay; artistic!)
2. Jay-Z (Only straight guys have boobs like this.)
3. Zac Efron (Is a girl!)
4. Sean Combs (He's sucked a couple, but mostly straight. Always straight for Martha Stewart.)
5. Jon Bon Jovi (Hasn't been gay since 1994.)
6. The Jonas Brothers (Haven't hit puberty!)
7. Justin Timberlake (Effs too many hos to be a homo.)
8. Timbaland (Nah.)
9. Usher (From the front, from the back, the more the merrier!)
10. LL Cool J (Technically, wasn't Narcissus gay? Well, then?)
REAL Mini-Me Sex Tape! Not A Joke!!!
And NO, we're not going to show it to you!
But you can see a clip of it here.
Click on it. You know you want to...bwaaahahahahaha!
Weeds: Hot Show, Hot Acting, Hot Guy Hunter Parrish
If you're not watching Weeds on Showtime, this is what you're missing.
Mary Louise Parker is always fabulous, and now this! By this, we of course mean the gorgeousness that is the young actor Hunter Parrish.
Hotness!
Charlize Theron, Will Smith, Half-Naked Models on TRL
Charlize Theron.
Will Smith.
Firm model flesh.
Autographs.
Need we say more?
Justin Timberlake Is Hot In New Givenchy Ads
And he didn't even have to take his clothes off! Damnit!!
Justin's the new poster boy for Givenchy's new cologne, Play.
Why isn't he naked in them??
Those Mario Lopez Hot Bachelor Pics
These would have been so hot if they hadn't put them side-by-side with the originals. He beats Burt Reynolds, but we'd take Richard Gere AND the gerbil over A.C. Slater any day.
Yeah, we said it!
Josh Hartnett Whores Himself For Emporio Armani
Good for him! Joshie ain't no Beckham, but Emporio Armani is still paying him a gazillion lira to be hot for their fragrance.
Here's the video EmpArm used to open their Milan show.
WTF Is She's Got The Look?
We've never seen this show, but according to this great video by FourFour's Rich Juzwiak, the show is a carbon-copy ripoff of America's Next Top Model. Which means it's basically perfect, except of course it's missing Tyra and her always-dependable insane inanity!
To read Rich's commentary, head on over to FourFour.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
At The End Of The Day...
At the end of the day, you floss, brush your teeth, wash your face, and go to bed. Some people may shake up this routine by walking their dogs, watching Letterman, drinking a forty, whacking off a few times and laying out tomorrow's clothes for another day of corporate hell...but at the end of the day, that's really all that happens.
We are sick of hearing people say this phrase before just about every other sentence:
"At the end of the day, George Bush is on his way out."
"At the end of the day, gay porn is way better than straight porn."
"At the end of the day, exiled Liberian Former President Charles Taylor is just misunderstood."
ENOUGH!!! It's time to cut this out!! What, really, does "at the end of the day" add to anything that anybody ever says? We know what it means: the same thing as those tired cliches "in the end," and "the bottom line is..." but this one is so much more overused and so much more annoying.
Days come. Days go. At the end of the day, the more often you use this phrase, the more people secretly want to kill you. And at the end of the day, you really don't want that, do you?
Best Recent Dance Albums
After a too-long dearth of dance-influenced music, we're elated with the recent wave of great new dance music--often by not-new artists.
In honor of this trend, we've decided to list our favorite recent dance albums.
1. Blackout by Britney Spears
In the sadly ironic tradition of the music industry, Britney Spear's first legitimately good--nay, great!--album hardly hit the public "radar" because of the star's tragic fall from...what, grace? Well, whatever she fell from, it was a big loss, not only because Brit the human being has fallen apart before age 30, but also because her latest album, Blackout, is almost flawless. From her perfectly engineered, half-human vocals to Danja's awesome beats, we encourage anyone who didn't pick up this album to give it a chance.
Best tracks: Break the Ice (also worst video), Get Naked, Freakshow, Piece of Me
2. Hard Candy by Madonna
Even though Madonna takes a back seat to her producers on this album, it highlights Madonna doing what she does best: barely singing inane, fun lyrics that are either some of the dumbest ever written, or ingenious in that they can be understood universally by English and non-English speakers, 40-year-olds and four-year-olds. More importantly, this album makes you want to stop thinking, get up and dance no matter what you're doing.
Best tracks: Heartbeat, Beat Goes On, Dance 2 Night, Give It 2 Me
3. Robyn by Robyn
Where the hell did this come from?? We barely remembered Robyn as a one-hit-wonder (She was the 15-year-old in the mid-90s who sang "Show Me Love") until she showed up with this wide-ranging, self-produced, alternately lovely, sweet and cutthroat album. Since this album is technically a couple of years old already, we're looking forward to more from her soon!
Best tracks: Konichiwa Bitches, Crash and Burn Girl, Who's That Girl, With Every Heartbeat, Cobrastyle
4. Shoot From The Hip and Trip the Light Fantastic by Sophie Ellis-Bextor
Technically, these albums aren't new, but they were just made available in the U.S. and it's worth checking out, if only to see what we Americans have been missing. Bextor is one of today's best dance music stars, and if you only know her for "Murder on the Dancefloor," you should take the time to hunt down her catalog.
Best tracks: Catch You, Today the Sun's on Us, If I Can't Dance, China Heart (in which a friend of ours insists Bextor is actually singing "vagina heart")
5. E=MC2 by Mariah Carey
We know, we know, we know, this album is NOT a dance album by almost any measure...but it does bring some uptempo beats back to Mariah's work, and a couple of tracks, including "Migrate," "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time," and "I'm That Chick" are highly danceable--or at least could be with excellent remixes. We really dig this album. We wish she'd release something fun and un-skanky, and that does NOT mean "Touch My Body" or the uber-snore "Bye Bye."
Best tracks: I'm That Chick, Migrate, O.O.C., I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time
6. Bring Ya To The Brink by Cyndi Lauper
We love to see Cyndi return with new upbeat music, and we love that she and Madonna are back in competition against one another just like in the '80s--and just like in the '80s, it's not really a fair comparison. Lauper's music operates on another level than Madonna's; Madonna is pure pop confection, while Lauper's has something else. That je ne sais quoi sometimes holds back the hooks, making the music a bit less catchy, and her voice is a bit more raw, as she's not as given over to having her voice totally reworked by computers. This keeps Cyndi a bit underground, a little edgy, where Madonna has been completely commercial at least for the last 10 years. Apples and Oranges, Madonna and Cyndi, and that's the way we like 'em!
7. X by Kylie Minogue
We don't worship Kylie the way we're supposed to. We love love love some of her music ("Can't Get You Out of My Head," "Fever," "Slow"), but mostly we just like her sometimes and can't stand her at others. Still, X has some great gems like "Speakerphone," but suffers from an excess of oddly placed "woo!"s in songs like "Sensitized." We hate hate hate the woo! Anyway, some good stuff here, so give it a chance and just delete the crappy ones. :-) And yes, we're prepared to get flamed for this review.
Best tracks: Speakerphone, In My Arms, Like a Drug
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Marky Mark Is Ashamed Of Past Work
Mark Walhberg told Us Weekly that he has decided to do more family-friendly movies like the craptastic new M. Night Shamalan bomb The Happening because he's "done things I'm not proud of and that I'm going to have to explain."
He cites his "days on VH1 of running around in my underwear" among the embarrassment.
Note to Marky: Boogie Nights is a brilliant movie. The best you've done, even if you were mostly naked the whole time and revealed your big, fat, (fake) schlong!
And the CK underwear ads are legendary! A.C. Slater's--er, Mario Lopez's--recreations in the new People spread pale in comparison.
MM will be lucky if people forget the new crapola movie he's currently starring in, even if it is "family friendly."
Mr. Wahlberg, we know the formula to all your past successes and, apparently, so does Britney Spears:
"All Homosexuals Are Not Passive; Some Resort To Violence."
Yikes!!! If you dare, check out "Boys Beware," an anti-gay propaganda video from 1961.
Simon Nessman: New Face Of Givenchy
Truly beautiful male model Simon Nessman has been chosen as the new face of Givenchy.
There are no words.
Cumming Is Good For Young Gays
The Trevor Project, a nonprofit organization that operates the only American suicide-prevention hotline for GLBT youth, is honoring Alan Cumming as "an inspiration for gay youth."
Past recipients of The Trevor Hero Award include Tony Award-winning actor Nathan Lane (2007) and Pulitzer Prize-winning author Michael Cunningham (2006).
The award recognizes an individual who, through his or her example, support, volunteerism or occupation, is an inspiration to gay and questioning youth.
"Alan has been an important and highly visible example to gay and questioning youth," said Charles Robbins executive director of The Trevor Project.
GuyStyle.net congratulates Alan Cumming!
Not to brag, but we've known how important Cumming was to gay people since puberty!
It Isn't What It Is.
Today we're starting a regular new series of commentary on what pisses us off about the way people talk. Why? Because we constantly hear people repeat annoying cliches that have no real meaning, and we think people should start thinking about the words that just fall out of their mouths. Yesterday, for example, on the way back from the Metro after our THIRTEEN HOUR workday, we walked by a couple, the female half of whom we overheard saying, "But she has such a big heart. She's all heart. My heart really goes out to her."
BLAGH! Every one of those sentences is basically meaningless. Our heart goes out to the unthinking young lady.
So to begin, we're going to attack one of the most prevalent offenders of our day:
"It is what it is."
WHAT IS IT?! And what isn't? This is probably the dumbest cliche that's ever been coined and picked up so quickly. We hear it in our office at least a dozen times a day. It is what it is. But what it is is a waste of words. Is there any point in repeating this phrase? Really, what are you saying when you say this? This phrase is usually said when something frustrating comes up that can't be changed, or when something is status quo. It's like "oh, well," but about a thousand times more annoying. It is what it is is redundant and pointless, and it is something we ask you to think about when you are tempted to say it. Make the world a better place, and when this idiotic phrase starts to roll of your tongue, pause and ask yourself what you're really saying, and say that instead.
Allow us to suggest some alternatives:
You want to say: You should say instead:
It is what it is. I am so frustrated.
It is what it is. Do you think there's any way we can fix this?
It is what it is. There's got to be a better way.
It is what it is. Get used to it.
It is what it is. She's a bitch/He's an asshole and it's not going to change.
It is what it is. You're dying.
It is what it is. You're not hot anymore.
It is what it is. No, there's no cure for herpes/genital warts.
Stay tuned for more attacks on the dumb things thoughtless people say.
Village People, Tinkerbell Get Stars On The Hollywood Walk Of Fame??
Even though publicists clamor to buy stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (yeah, that's right, the people 'honored' with a star pay a small fortune for the placement), and even though the actual Walk of Fame is along the run-down, filthy streets of Hollywood, only a couple dozen people get new stars each year.
This year's worthy recipients:
Hugh Jackman: Maybe a little early in his career?
Ben Kingsley: He doesn't have one yet?? WTF! It's about time!!
The Village People: Thank God. Can we retire YMCA from ALL clubs, proms and junior high dances now?!
Tinkerbell: Clap, Clap, Clap!!
Felicity Huffman: Best actress on TV?? She totally earned this one.
William H. Macy: He should already have one. Sweet that he and Huffy are getting their stars together...
Cameron Diaz: Say what you want, but Cam earned this with an acting range that's far beyond what anyone is willing to recognize. Go Cammy!
Robert Downey Jr.: Hotness on crack! Robbie, if you swing our way, we'll happily deal with the drug habit and impossibly huge ego. We will do your bidding. Just keep acting!
Tim Burton: WTF x 2!? He doesn't have a star yet? What the hell?!
Leslie Caron: Who?
Charles Durning: Who? He sounds English or something.
Ralph Fiennes: Yummy! Hey Ralphie, where's your fiennes brother been hiding? *snicker*
William Petersen: ?
Kyra Sedgwick: Totally earned.
John Stamos: Mmmm...Uncle Jesse + Ambien = hottest psycho on Earth!
Mark Burnett: The reality TV guy? Bought.
Chuck Lorre: This guy writes "Two and a Half Men." What kind of shit is that?!
Kenny “Baby Face” Edmonds: Take a Bow
Dave Koz: Smooth jazz or something.
The Miracles: It's a miracle.
Doug Morris: Huh?
Rush: We don't get it.
Shakira: Hellz yeah!
KFI radio personality Bill Handel: KFI radio? Does Colonel Sanders have a star?
KCRW host and resident voice on The Simpsons Harry Shearer: We guess this is OK because The Simpsons has been on the air since the dawn of television.
Justin Timberlake Gets Naked With His Best Boy-Friend
Seriously.
JT's best friend and business partner (they design clothes together), Trace Ayala, must've been hard-up for some press, because he just told inTouch the gayest thing ever:
"I see the kid naked all the time, so if he is wearing a Speedo, I'm like 'Yeah! He actually has clothes on!" Trace, 27, tells In Touch about Justin donning a tiny, skintight bathing suit in his latest flick, The Love Guru.....Trace says he approves of the singer's girlfriend, Jessica Biel. "You know, I have never seen him with anyone like that - ever,"...Trace also told In Touch that Jessica helps the pair with their denim designs."
Um hello...details?!?
Birthday Suit: Prince William
In honor of his 26th birthday, we present His Highness Prince William...when he was still kinda hot!
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